Giving Up

Today's mom society drives me a little crazy. Who delivers naturally, who uses a midwife, who has their baby at home, who breast feeds, who breastfeeds the longest, who doesn't cover when breastfeeding. In all honesty, I fail at society's "mom scale". 
I gave up breastfeeding Abbi at 3 months because we both just couldn't get the hang of it. Life was stressful, newly married, moving twice in four months, a wedding reception to plan. All in all I barely remember her first few months and it breaks my heart! Hope would never take a bottle - most people would think that's fantastic... but planning life around three hour intervals with no grace was hard. As soon as she decided to take a bottle around 9 months I weaned her. Jackson takes a bottle here and there but in the back of my mind I feel guilt. I shouldn't be giving him this, I'm a terrible mother, what if someone asks, what is someone notices his poop is less yellow? It's petty and pathetic. 
Next on my "mom scale failures" are my three c-sections. First was an emergency because her head got stuck, but I didn't fight it, and I had had an epidural. Second was planned because she was breech - until the morning of when she turned and they said I could try for a vaginal birth but 80% chance I would end up with a c-section anyways. Why bother? Little J, he was a legit reason and I have no guilt. I had some serious placenta issues (reduced placental function) which means at any point in time the umbilical cord could stop the blood flow and we could lose him. Our team of endocrinologist, dietician, nurse, obstetrician, neonatologist, public health nurses, and maternal fetal medicine doctor decided he needed to come at 35 weeks gestation and I was completely on board. Having an appointment every single day of the week made me easily trust doctors more than my own body. That was the most stressful c-section, I was able to see him but then they took him and Adam up to the NICU before they had finished closing me up. 
After three caesareans and non exclusive breast feedings I would have to say personally I am 100% not comfortable with not covering up when nursing my babe. I don't change in front of my own kids why would I let random strangers possibly see any more skin than I am totally comfortable with exposing? That's probably my own personal totally conservative views on modesty, Poor Adam things I should be a little less stingy with my wardrobe choices. I don't judge other's modesty, but I would rather be comfortable than trendy. 
The other new trend, co-sleepers and family bed stuff. I am all for kicking the baby out of my room! My bed is a sacred place for me and my husband, it's our safe place. Especially in a house of little people at different ages there is so little time of just us two. I am not willing to lose the precious moments we do have alone!
I guess I share all of this to say, I give up on feeling guilty! Do we all do these "trendy" mom things truly for the benefit of our kids or for our gold star from one another? If it was for the benefit of our kids then would we be fighting so hard against something? Shouldn't it be pro-growing and healthy baby not pro-home birth? Or pro-growing and fed baby not pro-breast feeding? I am not against the things I haven't done by any means, I am just against the condemnation that comes along with being a mom in a social media infested world.